First Medal Official Report Welcome to the first official report of the 2018 season, I wish you all a prosperous golfing season and that you give me plenty of ammunition for my reports. Officially I will try to get a report out during every medal round and some other competitions so please feel free to send me reports from around the golf course on anyone having a bad day. On to the first division, the premier division of Heysham Golf Club featuring such heavyweights as Peter Smith (NR), Adam Kilifin (NR) and super heavyweight Mal Savage (NR). Speaking of NR's, Tony Johnson not often one to throw in the towel must have a valid reason for this blasphemy, he will especially have upset his biggest fan Stevie! Another NR was Adam Bell, who walked off after nine holes complaining of stomach ache; one would question whether it was him going into early labour as he looks to be expecting. Another couple of NR's from Richard Gardner and John Dobson; the latter will probably try to talk you into the fact he's actually won; not that he's a delusional geordie or anything... Anyway, the premier division was won by Comps Man Scott Lee, a great score of 70 - 3 = 67 sneaks him back down to two and a worthy winner of yesterday's medal. Scott hasn't quite mellowed yet, still often seen wagging his hands at various parts of the golf course finding a fitting party to blame, last week it was the greens being slow, this week having been cut at exactly the same length they were an accomplice in his victory. All the best to Scott and his syndicate as they venture to York on their syndicate trip, although the hotel is the otherside of a Toll bridge priced at 40p. Scott, stubborn in his ways has taken his tent to camp beside the bridge, not one to be ripped off by 'The Man'. He pipped Vice Captain Carl Sadler into second, the 'Korma' now back to 5.4, until the weekend. If you don't know our 2019 Captain by now, he's the little guy who can be found wandering around the club looking for stray pennies in a bid to upholster another chair in the spike bar. Lastly, in third place was the big guy Mark Charnley (74 - 5 = 69) sees him drop his handicap to 4; the same number of members he hasn't yet threatened to beat up (Please don't beat me up Charno). In division two, featuring golfers with handicaps 12 to 17, only one man beat par; step forward Bernard O'Connor. Bernard stroked it round in 81 - 13 = 68 to qualify for the end of seasons final at the first attempt. Unlucky in second was Kenneth Relph, also known as Ken, or 'Who's that prat in the shorts?'. His 85 - 15 = 70 was enough to secure second and pip third placed Martin Hamer on a card play-off. In division two it's always nice to see some golfers getting their monies worth, Matty Hartley with 100 blows of the axe and Howsie Weale just adding one more to that total. I do wonder how many times Matty swore on his way to triple figures? Division three was another tight affair with only one golfer breaking par, Paul Wareing 89 - 20 = 69 bringing his handicap down to 19. Some of you might not know but Paul works in the office with Ed upstairs, which explains his handicap going down and productivity following suit. Dave Tann 91 - 21 = 70 fell in second just beating Robert Bannerman into third with 95 - 24 = 71. It can sometimes be a bit colourful looking at the scores from division three, especially if you were to take a little look at Mark Fairclough's round. It isn't nice shooting the highest score of the day, but he can't be faulted for effort. An example of his doggedness and grit was on display at the 10th when Mark wasn't going to let golf ruin his day. He totalled 20 shots on that single hole, without losing a ball; a sheer display of this stubborn scouser fighting his way to golfing glory. When a golfer does have a bad score they should often blame the performance on their coach, which in this case happens to be... Me! Oh crap!
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